as i see it....

we're back to the subject of teenage drinking.

i heard today about a situation where a couple of college freshman girls went home for the weekend and had a party. they had alcohol there and it was purchased and condoned by the parents. their reasoning was that they knew that if the girls weren't there at one of the homes with alcohol available to them and their friends, then they would be out at a party where there would be alcohol. the parents didn't want their daughters to be part of that scene and possibly get into some kind of trouble.

to be honest, i do have mixed emotions on this. i can understand how the parents might feel and the steps they think is reasonable to keep their girls out of trouble. i can personally say that once your child goes off to college there's this feeling that they are no longer children, but adults. there is also the knowledge that they now have the freedom to do with their life as they please.

even though they do now have more responsibilities equivalent to adults, they are not adults. and they definitely are under the age lawful to drink alcohol. and to me, that's the bottom line. i don't know how i would keep my child from going out to drink, but i wouldn't make it available to my child and therefore, condoning their drinking. there's also the issue of the friends being allowed to drink and what their parents might think about that.

one more thought... i've heard of these situations where the kids are in high school, as opposed to college. with the parents whose child is in college, i have some empathy. but if the kid is in high school... what is the parent(s) thinking?! i would have to say that you have not taken your responsibility as a parent seriously... and you have hurt your child in the process.

Posted by youthworker4all at 9:53 PM | Permalink | Comments

i don't know who reads this exactly and i don't know how you feel about some of the networking sites out there, but if you want to get an idea of how some teens feel about their lives or the world they live in, just log on to a site like myspace or xanga and read their blogs.

usually a kid is pretty forthcoming in what they are dealing with. many times this is the only outlet they have. many times i can hear them crying or feel their pain as the words flow over a sterile computer screen.

i think i will try to figure out how i can republish some of the ones i come across. i guess i would need to ask for permission, but my guess is that i could get it because most kids want to be heard and want others to know that they are in pain.

Posted by youthworker4all at 10:21 PM | Permalink | Comments

if you're not around young people you may not have noticed that they cuss... A LOT!! i'm guessing that there are people out there that don't care. i'm guessing that because it must be part of their vocabulary, also.

i know i grew up in a christian family that didn't drink, smoke, dance, or swear. but i don't remember being exposed to much swearing. if i heard my peers swearing, it was done privately so no one could hear. and i didn't hear it much from adults. even when i was a young adult, going to school or being a part of the work force - swearing just wasn't very prevalent.

i'm sitting here watching dave letterman (which i do just about every night) and he has a fairly regular segment where someone on his staff cusses him out. of course, the f-bomb, or any equivalents, are beeped out, but you have no problem knowing what is being said. i'm still trying to figure out why the powers that be on that show puts in a segment like that. i don't find it funny. does anyone?

swearing has become a normal part of society. it's not frowned upon or something that one is scolded for. so why wouldn't young people cuss? it's the cool thing to do. and since so many people do it, and you hear it everywhere, it makes it hard for those who don't want to swear.

my daughter is a freshman in college. she and i had this conversation after a few days away at school. she told me that just about everybody cussed and that she found herself saying words in her head that she would never think of saying outloud. she was worried that the more she was exposed to the language, the more of a chance that something would slip out.

i agree. i read a lot of thngs kids write on line where there is a lot of swearing. and i have to be honest, i've heard some of those words come up in my internal conversations.

what's my point? i don't know. it's just another case where the world has changed so much and it does have an effect on the youth of this generation, as well as the generation before and the many more to come.

Posted by youthworker4all at 10:32 PM | Permalink | Comments

in my last post, i mentioned a young friend who drank too much this past weekend. besides her drinking, something else bothered me.

i received information about her being in the hospital from the family of her best friend (who i am actually closer to). when i finally reached them by phone, they told me that she was going to be okay and that she would be released shortly. when they said they were taking her home, i inquired about her father, whom she lives with. they told me her father had been there... for a while.

hmmm?! for a while?! what's that all about?! i would think that if your child is in the hospital - for any reason - that you would be there, too. the mother who was giving me this information said she'd tell me about it later. and to be fair, i haven't heard the whole story yet. but just the fact that there is a "story" makes me wonder what could be more important than being with your daughter in the hospital.

but this really shouldn't surprise me. i've heard enough stories where parents haven't made their children a priority. they seem to be more focused on and worry more about their own agendas, which means the kids get pushed out of the way. believe me, kids know this truth and recognize it for what it is... that they aren't important.

is it any wonder that kids are looking for love.... in all the wrong places?

Posted by youthworker4all at 10:14 PM | Permalink | Comments

something i have a low tolerance for is teenage drinking. i wish kids could see what a dangerous passtime this is.

i, personally, don't like the taste of alcohol and only have a drink at special occassions, such as weddings and christmas parties. even when i was in high school, i didn't drink much because i didn't like the taste. and the very few times i got drunk, i didn't like that feeling either.

but i think i understand a little about the motivation of a teenager drinking. the allure of doing something you're not supposed to be doing, something that others are trying, and then the desire to feel the "high" that's associated with it.

i'm thinking a teenager doesn't have that part of the brain, that tells them to stop, fully developed at their age. and we know that they don't see the bigger picture so they don't think about the dangers or consequences. or maybe it has more to do with wanting to escape. escaping from their problems, their stress, their world. isn't that why adults drink?

this is a more rambling entry than others. i guess i'm working it all out in my own head by writing as i'm thinking. i'm thinking about this because a young girl that i know went to a party this last weekend, over drank and passed out. 911 was called and she was taken to the hospital where she was taken care of.

but what would have happened if no one called 911? we've heard of so many college students who have died from alcohol poisoning because they were left alone. i am so thankful that my young friend is okay. but i need to prepare myself for that call that might come someday telling me someone i know died because of alcohol. a teenager drinking is like playing russian roulette.

Posted by youthworker4all at 10:19 PM | Permalink | Comments

i had a discussion today with a good friend. she has kids around the same age as mine. she is always saying how she admires those who work with youth and wishes she was called to do that, but feels like she hasn't had that calling.

she was telling me how many kids she has coming through her home - mostly friends of her son. she is a hostess by nature so that kind of stuff comes naturally to her. but she finds herself more and more having deeper conversations with these young people and personally praying for them. she has even told a couple of them that she prays for them. she's planning on starting to ask them how she can pray for them.

the youth of today doesn't need more youthworkers. they need more adults in their lives. they need to know that adults care about them and accept them for who they are. they need role models who can help them integrate into the adult world.

i told her that what she's doing may have a more lasting impact than the youthworker at the local church. we don't need to be trained to be youthworkers. we just need to open our heart and minds to the youth of today. you can also open your home.

Posted by youthworker4all at 10:17 PM | Permalink | Comments

i was at a volleyball tournament this last saturday. i knew a few of the girls playing on two different teams. i do enjoy going to most games/matches that i'm invited to, but volleyball is one of my favorites. so when one of the girl's team lost a match, i didn't think too much about it because i wasn't the one playing the game.

i used to play sports but it's been a long time and i didn't realize until recently how much they have changed. it used to be that the sport was all about the kids and teaching them the skill of the game and building character. it seems that now it's more about the win-loss count, the coaches, and the reputation of the school. because of this, kids have been forgotton. they are a commodity that is only looked upon with the bottom line in mind. and these are the students who make the team. there is even more that would have loved to play the game, but weren't deemed good enough to play on the team. after all, the team HAS to win.

this became apparent at this volleyball tournament. after the team lost, they were taken back to a separate room where they were told how bad they played and given an account of their mistakes. the mothers of the two girls told me this is how the coach has treated them ever since the season started and how discouraged all the girls on the team were. they said that with every game, every match, their self esteem and morale has been beaten down.

i can't help but think of how far a little encouragement would go. what if this generation were taught it's not if you win or lose... it's how you play the game.

Posted by youthworker4all at 9:40 PM | Permalink | Comments

i, admittingly, am not a political person. i don't get involved for many reasons. one of them being that i feel like most politicians are dishonest and are really only in it for themselves - not the people they are supposed to serve.

i say that because i normally wouldn't pay too much attention to political scandals. but i'm a little upset over some of what i've heard regarding the page scandal and mark foley.

i heard that rush limbaugh talked about the situation on his radio station today and blamed foley's misconduct on the pages. (you can read more about this here.) he says that "young people" like to make fun of "gay people." talk about labels! (read my last post) and what about the fact that foley is an adult (and a person of trust for that program) and the pages are kids. maybe young adults and more mature than most or they couldn't be in that program. but they are still teenagers. i've never liked rush and this is a perfect example of why.

the other thing i heard was that some politicians want to investigate the page program and the pages themselves, and maybe suspend the program. that seems so unfair. it sounds like a great program that has been around for a long time without any problems being directly attributed to the program. i guess it's easier to blame the teenagers instead of the adults whose actions are questionable. here's a program helping out young people in an area that they have passion and aspirations. we don't have enough of those. leave it to an adult with his own agenda to take advantage of it and may even destroy it.

hopefully there will be some politicians out there that will stand up and do what's right for the page program and the pages themselves. i'll be waiting to see if this happens. hopefully, my personal view of politicians will be changed. maybe there's a couple of good ones out there.

Posted by youthworker4all at 8:44 PM | Permalink | Comments

yesterday i heard a dj on my favorite radio station (way-fm) talk about labeling music artists or groups and how detrimental that can be. the bottom line was that an artist or group doesn't want to be labeled. as he said, they just want to be accepted for who they are - whatever that may be.

i heard this little commentary as i was driving by a skate park. i looked over and could see several dozen kids hanging out and couldn't help but think that most of them have been labeled as skaters. do they like that? maybe they do. i really don't know. if i were to guess, i would say that most of them don't care. they probably do like it.

but i kept thinking about the "skaters" and about labels in general. i guess what bothers me most is that once we label someone (or something), we don't see them any other way. i know a few "skaters." do i take the time to get to know them beyond the "skater" persona? because there is more to these kids than just trying to be proficient at skate boarding. if i'm completely honest, i don't do a good job at it, because it's so much easier and comfortable to "know" the person from the label i, or someone else, has given them. i don't have to work any harder at getting to know them.

and there lies one of the major problems with labels. another problem would be; what if the label is incorrect. we then don't take the time to get to know the person on a deeper level so we may never know that the label is incorrect.

labels are a prison of sorts. but i'm the one that feels imprisoned.

Posted by youthworker4all at 9:47 PM | Permalink | Comments

i met with a new friend today for coffee. we talked a lot about our own kids but, also, about kids in general. she brought up something that i also feel strongly about. and that is....

family dinners.

it sounds so simple, so basic. but it is one of the most powerful tools a family has in bonding and communicating with each other. you can use this time to laugh and play, to talk and to listen. if you do it regularly, the kids will come to know it is something they can count on. they will feel like the family unit is an important part of life. and as a parent, this is an ideal time to find out what your kid's day looked like, what they're thinking, what their emotional state is, etc.

my friend and i both realized that we knew many families who don't do dinner together as a family. some families have hectic schedules. my advice to them; try to work it into the hectic schedule. some families are actually all home together for dinner but don't sit down together at the table. what a loss for them. my advice to them; it's never too late to start.

Posted by youthworker4all at 8:21 PM | Permalink | Comments

well, there was another school shooting today. creepy how it was so similar to the one last week. how sad that three more school kids lost their lives. BUT... i'm not going to go on about this. i've written enough on the subject in the past few days and i should be able to find something else to write about.
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it amazes me how much teenagers are open to an adult's attention. if you were a normal adult without any kind of interaction with teens, you might think that kids don't want to have anything to do with adults. but in my experience, even those kids hiding within the hardest of shells wants to know that an adult cares about them. i would even go as far as to say that they "crave" the attention of an adult. there could be many reasons for this but the most likely is that they don't get any attention at home.

the world has changed a lot since i was a kid. and so has the family unit. i came from a broken family but even in the brokeness and thru the break-up of the family, i knew i was loved. i knew i was a priority. i knew i had atleast two adults who cared about me and would be there for me. for many kids today, that's not the way it is. again, there may be many reasons for this but the reality is that more and more kids aren't having one of their most fundamental needs met - feeling loved and cared for.

so if this is true, think about what a life of a young person looks like. think about what it would be like to be raised without having this need met. think about what kind of person you would be if it were you.

Posted by youthworker4all at 8:02 PM | Permalink | Comments

since i've mentioned columbine, i'll use this time to share how i started in youth ministry.

i, like most of the people in colorado, was glued to the tv set as the tragedy of columbine unfolded. not just that afternoon and evening, but for the entire aftermath as well. i also read just about everything i could about that fateful time, including books that were written by survivors and family members.

there was a saying at the time and then bumper stickers made up stating "we are columbine." those words rang true for so many of us. we all felt like it was our kid's school and our kids who were affected by it all. we all were affected deeply.

it was interesting to watch and hear people talk about the two boys who were responsible for it all. they were demonized. their families were looked upon as the scum of the earth. maybe it was easier for me since my kids, or anyone i knew personally, weren't involved in the massacre, but i didn't see these two boys or their families the same way they were being portrayed.

i felt that for them to do such a horrific thing, they must have been deeply troubled. and why be so hard on their families? as more was revealed about why they did it, what was behind their torment, i felt more drawn to who they really were and why they felt like they had to take such drastic action. i felt so sorry for their parents who had to continue living with the reality and guilt of their son's actions. can you imagine?

i remember talking to some people, at the time, about all of this and they were of mind that there was no hope for these boys. that they were somehow defective. that there are others out there with the same defect and that we should just put them all away... somehow... somewhere. i couldn't believe that people felt this way. did they have no compassion at all?

this was the start, for me, in realizing that my heart went out to young people. the more i read, the more i had contact with teens, the more i heard their stories (normal stories, mind you), the more my heart broke for them. and the more i wanted to help them in some way... in some tangible way. it evolved much more from there but i honestly think that's when it all started.

let me say, in closing, that in no way do i think that what harris and klebold did was right or even that we can rationalize it. it was horrible. as much as my mind tries to understand why they would do such a thing, my heart breaks for all of those young lives that were taken (as well as the teacher) and their families who have to go on without their loved ones.

i'm just saying it was a tragic day for all those involved. and it was a begining for me.

Posted by youthworker4all at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments