as i see it....

you want to know what breaks my heart? kids who are hurting.

every month or so, a bulletin goes around on myspace where you're supposed to include a secret of your own into the ongoing list. it's supposed to be anonymous and that's why kids feel free to write whatever they feel. some of them are typical and what you might expect from a teenager. for example; "i like so-and-so."

but some of them aren't what you might expect. here are a few:

I want to die! I hate my life! My grades suck, my love life sucks, my friends don't know or don't care, I wonder if they would miss me. I don't think so. I'm dead inside, just not out. That is the worst feeling ever! I want to douse myself in kerosene and burn myself into ashes! I cut a lot just to make myself feel better but it doesn't last. I wish I was dead. my life isn't worth it.

2 of my brothers have molested me.

ppl think im happy..but everyday i wonder about how nice it would be to be dead

I starve myself cause I think he will notice me once I am skinny.

i hate every inch of me

i cut - i cry - i want the pain to stop

My rents don't care about me. Do yours?

here are the cries of some teenagers. i don't know who they are. but i could guess that these kids aren't abnormal. what i mean is that they aren't representing a small statistic when it comes to today's teenagers. i actually think they represent a large number. this sort of avenue gives them the opportunity to share a secret in a safe, anonymous place. these are the cries of their heart.

added note: this type of method of sharing secrets isn't limited to teens. a very popular site is postsecret, where people of all ages share their inner most secrets. by reading the different posts found on this site, we realize that we all have more in common than we think. again, the secrets shared represent a larger statistic of the general public rather than a small one.

Posted by youthworker4all at 11:28 PM | Permalink | Comments

i just read this article about parents not feeling comfortable conversing with their teenagers, especially regarding tough issues. a lot of it rings true from my own personal interaction with teens and with parents.

i agree with the article where it says, "this poll reinforces a disconcerting trend we're seeing with parents today. too many parents are avoiding tough conversations -- or tough stances -- because they're afraid of jeopardizing their relationship with their teen." but the article also says, "according to a new survey by vital-smarts, most parents of teens indicate that they are even afraid to talk to their teens about everyday issues."

how sad. i know as a parent, the threat of jeopardizing the fragile relationship between parent and child is always worrisome. but why can't a parent talk about everyday issues? are they worried the conversation will veer into dangerous territory? and what if it does? how about looking at that as a bonus to the conversation. if they have questions or are struggling with something, wouldn't you want them to come to you instead of one of their peers or even worse, to a bottle of beer or a drug of some sorts?

our kids need to know that their parents are there for them during everyday life and also during their struggles and challenges. don't shy away from your kids. don't shy away from the conversations - hard or not. be the parent. your kids will actually appreciate it and benefit greatly.

read the entire article by clicking here

Posted by youthworker4all at 9:43 PM | Permalink | Comments

is school too tough for today's teens?

i'm sure you'll get different answers depending on who you ask. but generally, i think most kids will say "yes" and most parents would say "no."

i read the thinker's blog today. she is gearing up for finals and wondering how she's going to be able to get through all of them. i've heard some of the same sentiments from students that i know personally. finals seem to be one of the most stressful times during the school year. some students don't handle the stress well and they know that, so, they don't do well on the finals just because they are so stressed out about them.

i have a young friend who just dropped out of his public school and has chosen instead to be home schooled. he couldn't handle the pressure any longer. granted, his personality type was one where he didn't deal well with pressure and he was in a rigorous academic program. so his is an extreme case and he is still planning to get his high school dipoloma.

some statistics say that 1 out of every 3 students drop out of high school before graduation. that's incredible. of course, there's many reasons why a student may drop out, but i can't help but wonder how much of an issue the rigors of academia really is.

Posted by youthworker4all at 9:39 PM | Permalink | Comments

i talked to a young friend of mine today and she told me something that i'll just describe as... unbelievable.

a year or so ago, my friend (11th grade) declared that she was a lesbian. her parents eventually found out and although they weren't happy about it, seemed to accept it.

my friend was explaining to me that she and her girlfriend since the summer had just broken up over the weekend. puzzled, i said, "but she was over at your house on monday when i was talking to you on the phone." she then said, "yah, she was picking up her stuff cuz she had been living with me for a couple of months after she got kicked out of her own home."

WHAT!? her girlfriend (which also means her lover) had been living with her? sleeping in her bedroom? so of course, i ask, "your parents let her live with you and stay in your room?" she then lets out a little chuckle and says, "yah, my parents didn't know we were dating."

WHAT!? how are parents so clueless? they know she is gay. it wasn't just a day or a week that this girl was living in their house - it was a couple of months. how did they not pick up on what was going on between these two girls? and if they did know, did they just not want the confrontation? if your child wasn't gay, you wouldn't let a "friend" of the opposite sex stay in the same room as your child - would you?

sometimes i just don't get parents.
UNBELIEVABLE!

Posted by youthworker4all at 10:32 PM | Permalink | Comments

i've been thinking about this all day so i'm just going to write a little so maybe i can get some of my thoughts straight.

my dad wrote a post on his web journal about how proud he is of my brother. let me just say it now, i understand why he wrote what he did and he has every reason to be proud of his son. my brother deserves all that was said and more.

what has got me thinking is that this post brought up old feelings for me of not ever really feeling validated by my dad. of course, this stems from my childhood but obviously still affects me today as an adult. i know my dad loves me but i can't picture him writing such affirming things about me and the things that i do or have accomplished in my life. i don't really know why that is. it's just reality.

but it made me think about some of the teens i know. are they being validated by their parents? or more personally, by me? i need to do a better job at affirming my young friends and letting them know that whatever is going on in their lives - big or small - is as important as anything else going on.

our personal lives are so full of hopes and dreams, accomplishment and failures. don't we all want others to know some of it? who we are because of it? and say, "wow! that's great" and "you're great." i think that's even more true for a young person. validation helps form a sense of who they are and, ultimately, their self worth. in today's world, that's important.

thanks for reading my ramblings. i'm not sure how much sense i've made... but i got it off my chest.

Posted by youthworker4all at 10:45 PM | Permalink | Comments